July 4, 2009

Hell must be covered in ice!

I did what I once swore would never happen. I accepting a playing engagement for playing music in front of actual human beings!

Paul Walters, my music partner, and I have been practicing together for a couple of years. We figured out our singing and playing worked well together over the several months we both attended Bill Ledbetter's weekly living room jams just for fun. Both of us being non-smokers, we would fiddle around with guitar and vocal work waiting on the others to return from frequent smoke breaks. We discovered we harmonized well, liked the same kind of music and both love to be involved with music events whether playing, arranging or attending. Paul has worked City Stages every year since it's inception and is the president of the Magic City Blues Society. I've been involved in music since a child, from piano lessons to the high school marching band. I've explored various guitar styles and have always found playing music something I never seem to tire of.

It all started when Paul called one night, after attending a Gillian Welch show at Zydeco and said he had an idea that we should form a duet. I'd played for the dogs and cats all my life, but getting a taste of playing with others had begun to appeal to me and I was relieved to have another outlet since Bill had canceled the weekly open living room jams.

We had fun as I basically cut my teeth on my resonator with Paul. We were starting to get compfortable with some work. But then the duet had to take a back seat while I worked on my yoga teaching certification at heartwood. I assured him I would be back on, full tilt, once the course was complete. (at right, working with Gilda, my Johnson tricone)

I graduated the last weekend of May of this year and as promised, I started working more with daily practice and making our practice time together a priority. And then the call came. I knew it would come some day and I wondered how I would react.

Paul says, "We have an opportunity," and he told me of the South Side 4th of July Block Party, an event he had actually started in his old neighborhood near Lorino's grocery store some twenty years or so before. The location provides a great place for gathering and watching fireworks. I've attended a couple of them before. I never imagined I'd be playing one day.

I could hear something in his voice. He thinks I'm going to say no, and my first instinct is to say, "I'm not ready," but I didn't. To my own horror, I hear myself say, "Okay." Did I just say that. The event would be in some 5 days and I have just agreed.

We practice twice during the week and I practice morning and night, but my fear grows with each passing day. I can feel waves of nausia when I stop and think about what is coming. It feels like some dreaded surgery and prison conviction awaits me.

I've explored where this comes from. I think I have a couple of ideas, but it is quite profound. For instance, if I had 4 friends at my house and we were sitting around talking, I'd be happy as a clam. If I had to stand up and speak on something to them, and they were all sitting in chairs and watching, I'd stammer and stumble. Maybe lots of folks are this way, but to me it seems I'm the only one. I whine and complain and wring my hands and bore all my friends about this dreaded thing I must do.

And then Wendy, Paul's wife, calls me out. "Aren't you supposed to know how to calm down and get chilled out with all that yoga you've been studying?"

"Well, but, and well... yeah," I admit rather sheepishly.

(At left, before the performance with Wendy. I may look relaxed but it's a bit of an act. I am just about to play and I'm working really hard to keep myself even.)

Saturday I woke early to prepare, but not with study or practice. I would spend about two hours with a yoga practice. I did some vigorous yoga to expel my nervous energy. I performed several vinyasa's, a kind of yoga flow series, that revolved around warrior I and warrior II, good poses for summoning courage, and then I did a long Yoga Nidra meditation, a form of self hypnosis designed to reverse negative beliefs and implant more positive ones into the subconscious. My goal is to try and reprogram whatever is inside me that paralyzes me when asked to perform. It worked, too. I was strangely calm after my practice.

It was a small crowd and I must admit I was kind of relieved. And then a couple of my friends showed up to offer support. Thanks Shawn! And thanks, Lauren, you wonderful yogini! This on advice of my boss, Jon Adamson, who played in the local band, 4AM ten or so years ago. Such a nice guy - he tells me to be sure and have my 'fans' there for backup. He was right. I can hear Richard and Wendy and Lauren all cheering me on and it is so welcome and comforting to my ears.
(left - Paul Walters, and yours truly)

Afterward, I relax and have the time of my life. The night is perfect. The fireworks were lovely and the company was grand.

I did it.

What next?

(at right dancing with Lauren - I am definitely a lot more relaxed now!)