Why have I been re-arranging ...
MY WHOLE LIFE?

This is not a metaphor. I'm addicted to rearranging. I rehang the art. I move the couch to the other side of the room. And I don't just rearrange the furniture, I shake up the whole house. I moved the girl's bedroom to the front. The den will soon be our office and now today, I'm making the back room back into the den, like it was when I got here back 8 years ago.

Hmmmmm.................

Re re re

back back back

Am I stepping forward and back again.

It occurred to me just now that I'm looking for something. And it's in my house. It must be, because that's where I'm looking. I'm trying to find it but I can't for all the stuff that's in the way. And what it is is the walls and the floors and the space between. That's what it is. I need that. And I'm going in after it!

It's not a metaphor, my rearranging.

June 22, 2011
Tonight's Class will focus on Finding Your Edge.

Join us for an hour of yoga. We'll explore the place you need to be in your asana and in life.

Yoga Wednesday Night @ 6pm at Dream Mecca Studio. It's casual and friendly. Come on out and get your OM on!

Class is suitable for all levels.

Wednesday, March 16... We'll be working on living a joyful life through the practice of ahimsa

The practice of ahimsa adds a little to the effort of world peace but that's not the only reason it's a good thing. When we practice ahimsa, we will feel more at peace when we come to the mat.

What is meant by ahimsa? Very simply it means you don’t harm or kill another human. Some feel you shouldn’t harm or kill animals. Some would say that not stopping someone from doing harm to another is also ahimsa, so there is an intelligence to it.

With the practice of ahimsa, being kind to everyone you meet makes you feel better, not just the people you meet and so it is a practice for our own well-being as well as others.

But do we need to worry about this when we come to the mat? It should be kept in mind because we don't want to be violent to our own selves and this is often the hardest lesson of all.

I decided to begin a running program recently. It was very difficult but it was something my husband and I could do together and with our dogs. We started but the weather turned cold and so we waited for the next week.

Next attempt was the day before Richard and I got sick - very sick. Two weeks later we started again and after just 2 short sessions my shins hurt so I couldn’t do my 3rd run of the week. I started again the next week and my shins began to hurt again, plus it felt with every step someone was hitting my knees with a hammer.

Hello... How loud of a message do I need?

I'm back to brisk walking my pups and they are just as happy, and I am happier and yoga is better. Running clearly is not for me. And pushing myself to do things that were hurting my body is a form of violence. And violence of any kind is not what I'm here for.

Peace!

February 9 class cancelled!

Class for tonight, Wednesday, February 9, has been cancelled do the possibility of sleet and snow. Y'all practice at home and I'll see you next week.

Shanti!

On acquiring years

Old is when feeling good isn't something you just wake up having. It's when it is something that takes your pointed effort. And aging gracefully is when that effort is your joy.

First Wednesday

It's the build your own practice class! I'll be bringing handouts and we'll talk about how to plan a class just right for your own yoga needs.

Props are provided but you might want to bring along a pen for note taking. We'll have a full class in addition to the planning session and as always, we'll end with relaxation and breath work in a comfortable sitting posture.

Allow you body to experience relaxation and your mind to take a break. Practice begins at 6 pm this Monday, February 2! Hope to see you there!

Camping entry: Day Two - the inevitable challenge

The blow-up air mattress and new double sleeping bag afforded all the comforts of home while the sounds of frogs and bugs offered a dreamy lullaby. We slept well, until almost 9, and rose gradually.

Although we own a camp coffee pot, this is the one little convenience I didn't want to leave home without, so I unpacked the French press and the ground Star Bucks and brewed my self a savory bit of luxury. Richard had been having issues with his neck and shoulder and so I encouraged him to join me for my morning yoga. Yes, it was going to be the perfect first morning of the perfect camping trip...

And then there was THE challenge. The all too wonderful camp site had one minor flaw for the would be woods yogis.

This.....

I was so relieved to learn there would be little chance of rain while we camped, I never dreamed a load of gravel would be my issue. But there it was. Every square inch of the camp site was covered with these large pieces of gravel.

I know lying on a bed a of nails is purported in some yoga circles to have spiritual benefit but I'm just not into that right now.

So, what now. I would not be deterred!

Fortunately I had packed several large garbage backs as well as two over-sized beach towels. By removing the larger stones and layering first the garbage bag and then the folded towel I was able to fashion a fairly stable and comfortable practice space.

A few uncomfortable rocks, easier to spot by feel than site, were removed and this princess felt not a single pea under her comfy stack, mostly.

I enjoyed a general yoga practice while Richard did some therapeutic poses for his complaining shoulder.

We finished up and then headed for our tubing adventure. Tubing was nothing short of ethereal. Another benefit of being late in the season; but for a few birds and a snake or two, we seemed to have the river to ourselves.

The water was cool and the temperature mild. It was just warm enough to make swimming feel brisk and exhilarating but not so hot that we were ever too warm.

I left the phone and camera behind so sorry there are not pictures because it was just dreamily lovely!

We returned to camp for a pasta dinner with bread and salad. I'd packed for a summer vacation, but the night was turning off chilly so I secured a pair of socks from my suitcase and added them to my ensemble. For some reason, Richard kept snickering and saying something about Jay Randall.

Afterward we again enjoyed a little convenience from home. Yes, I must admit I plugged in the ipod to our jam box and pulled out my guitar and Richard grabbed his new bass.

Richard had recently made a washtub bass which we brought along on the trip. It was to be a grand instrument by night, dish washing tub by day. I don't know how the wash tub felt about this turn of events by I myself enjoy wearing a number of hats, so I felt we did not dishonor the integrity of the instrument.

We turned in and chatted about what tomorrow's day would entail. Hiking, waterfalls and swimming were to be the main features and we couldn't wait. It was nice to have had this day to totally lay back and relax on the river and then at camp. And we were going to need it because tomorrow's hike would make up for it!

Have mat, will travel...

Monday morning finally arrived. Our short vacation had been pushed back and pushed back for one conflict after the other. We'd been planning to steal away for a few days in the wilderness since last summer. Being immersed in technology it is a pleasure truly needed and not enjoyed enough by either of us. Busy schedules and budding personal businesses have loomed large in our lives, but we finally put our foots down, made a date and off..... at last.... we went!

We packed the last of our bags and supplies for our 5 day adventure and headed for the mountains of North Carolina well stocked with all the food, clothing, camping needs and yoga gear a couple of nutty, crunchies would ever need on the short trip. Throw in several beers a icing and 2 wine bottles a-chilling and who could ask for more?

I had predetermined this trip was to facilitate a metamorphosis of sorts. I knew I was leaving a hoarder and planned to return a minimalist. I also planned to prove to myself that yoga can happen anywhere, no matter the circumstances. Part of this journey would require my commitment to my practice. You see, last years' camping trip launched full of hope for beautiful, ethereal yoga sessions in the deep woods, with the trees all around me and the sound of the river my score. But my best intentions were foiled by a too wet a campground floor and too small tent, the perfect excuse for forgoing practice for a warm cup of coffee under the canopy. This year my intention was to rally and enjoy my practice, come rain or shine.

Since Monday was spent mostly in the car and our morning was a mad rush to get packed and out the door, I planned to conduct my practice en route. My intention was that the series of short practices would, by the end of the day, total a complete practice for me and stave off that cramped, stiff and achy feeling you get when stuck in a vehicle for most of the day.

Things got off to a great start. Just before we got to Atlanta we stopped at a Pilot station in Temple, Georgia.

Standing in the warm but breezy sunshiney air I started with a standing side bend on either side, a standing twist both ways, a standing back bend and the forward fold, uttanasana. This little work break vinyassa keeps me feeling alive and awake during my work day and is perfect if you need some spinal movement but you've nowhere to lay a mat! I hung in uttanasana for a bit. It was delicious. From there I stepped one foot back into parsvottanasana and did some breathing into the backs of my legs. My hamstrings were quite relieved! I then bent the back knee toward to ground for a spell an anjaneyasana, or low lunge to give a nod to my psoas major and minor. Next the upright adho mukha svanasana I managed standing against the gas station wall was nothing short of liberating after our stressful packing and a couple of cramped hours in the car. I then allowed my pelvis to move toward the wall and enjoyed a bit of a back bend. Ahhhhh. Such relief!

We stopped again about an hour and a half later in Jefferson, Georgia. A little shell station would host my second short session. By now we'd been driving several hours and I was feeling pretty stiff and ready to move. I enjoyed my quick standing warm up vinyasa again and then went through a series of warrior poses. I settled into Warrior II and then folded sideways into trikonasana. I then enjoyed Warrior I and moved into Parsvottanasan. I followed this with prasarita padottanasana, a wide legged forward fold. After enjoying this lovely bit of work I took a quick walk around the gas station.

Sliding back into the passenger seat I realized that I might have preformed the poses a bit cold. This kind of practice definitely requires some careful moving. It was a good lesson to learn. Jumping out of the cramped car into a warrior series with little warm up might not be the best idea. I think my intentness on getting in a good, strong practice before days' end may have come into conflict with my mindful intention. Stiff, cold muscles can be hurt with stretch the body is not ready for. Message delivered. Message received! Thanks universe.

An hour later we stopped again in South Caroline, the state of my sister Martha's birth. Even with the periodic stops and yoga breaks, being in the car for a day begins to wear. It was a very nice little rest station for a bathroom break and stretch of the legs that we desperately needed.

Richard and I found a shady spot to steal some quick asana time. For this stop I did the same vinyasa warm up again. It's a great one for a quick run through of all the spinal movements. Forward folds are always lovely for release and letting the cervical spine move into relaxation, so I stayed with uttanasana for a bit. Next was the upright downward dog against a tree. I followed with a standing back bend with fingers interlaced behind my back and reaching for the floor while my crown floated gently upward. Finally a low lunge seemed to be called for. My psoas need the lengthening and it felt invigorating. This proved to be a much healthier short sequence than the last bit of work. Duly noted!

Finally we crossed the border into North Caroline. The air seemed alive with the promise of cooler weather and deep breaths of clean, fresh air.

At about 6pm, just before arriving we made our last stop. We were so close, but when you gotta go you gotta go, so Richard dashed off to the can while I enjoyed a very quick set of Trikonasana and a standing back bend to open my chest at this final pit stop.... and then it was off to camp.

Home at last! And it was all that we hoped for. Being late in the season, we seemed to have the entire camp to ourselves. The river was our background music and we had just enough light left to help with setting up our tent and campsite.

Nothing is better than a camp site dinner. We cooked tilapia over an open fire with salad and a yummy loaf of whole grain bread which we enjoyed after the hard work of setting up our little home away from home.

After being well fed we cleaned and readied ourselves for sleep. Just before turning in we cozied up on a couple of chaise lounges and I was able to get in the final, most important piece in my all day yoga series, a meditation of sorts on the amazing canopy of twinkling stars over head.

Everything was going to be just perfect for my mindful, yoga vacation!

Honoring your own needs

I've had to let go of some things to make my life more manageable. It's kind of ironic. I began my transition from yoga practitioner to yoga instructor with the intention of moving toward a more quiet, serene lifestyle. Working every night of the week and most of the weekend along with a full time job is no way to be a good facilitator of living the mindful life I am seeking and attempting to illustrate.

Yoga is all about finding balance, and not just on one foot in tree pose. We need balance in everything. In our diet, in our waking to sleeping hours and in our working to nurturing hours. Life should be filled with good work, learning and most importantly, joy. When any of these things over shadow the others our physical and mental health will suffer. I am learning this is something that we, as mere humans, must revisit from time to time. Sometimes difficult decisions have to be made.

Regretfully Wednesday night class at One Domain will have to go and Thursday night's music practice will move to alternate Tuesdays, sharing this night of the week with teaching at SoHo-PiYo. That gives me two nights to reserve for what I'll call 'family time'. It's important.

I'll miss those fun ladies at Domain One. We enjoyed a couple of months of Wednesday nights practicing yoga together and I hope that at least one or two have been inspired to find their way toward a more balanced, healthy, joyful lifestyle. Maybe our paths will cross in another space. Maybe this was all I needed to offer for these lovely women. All I know is I would not want to saddle any one with the downfall of anothers health, and continuing was going to do this to me.

When I want to be helpful and it feels like it is breaking me, I like to bring to mind the safety talks you hear before every flight. The stewardess stands at the front of the plane describe escape routes, flotation devices and emergency oxygen masks. At each talk it is always made very clear that a parent should take care of their own oxygen needs first and then take care of the child. And it's a no-brainer. If the parent passes out, how will they be able to care for their child.

If we over work ourselves how will we be a good employee, a good spouse or partner, a good friend of parent, a good steward of the earth. We won't.

Balance. It's where it's at!

Aversion and attachment

There is a yogic philosophy stating that suffering comes from our attachments and aversions. Our attachments cause us to suffer because we know that in the end, we can't really keep anything. If we can accept that everything will pass eventually we can have more control over the feeling of the pain of loss.

To help with aversion we must remember that all things are transitory so we know that whatever suffering we are now experiencing will pass.

In other words, we are safe within. There is a divinity/intelligence/ultimate self deep inside that cannot be touched by anything. Holding on to that and letting the events wash past, making our best decisions at each moment but knowing that Self, (self with a capital S) will not be affected by our struggles or our joys helps with a feeling of safety.

The key is in all interactions act firmly but gently and be undaunted by the response whether negative or positive. Being self-assured in the face of storms becomes easier with each experience handled using these tools.

Ahimsa

The main goal of yoga, believe it or not, isn't to obtain a great six pack or a bulging set of biceps. The aim of yoga is to facilitate moving inward where we can get to know our true inner nature. This is accomplished through meditation which requires that the body be comfortable and the mind be still. Quieting the mind and becoming still are much harder than one might think.

In progressing toward a more deepened meditational experience, the fluctuations of the mind must become stilled. This requires practice and concentration. Thoughts of regret or violence render this endeavor impossible, so yogic philosophy makes lifestyle suggestions so that as little as possible is able to remove your attention from the focus of moving inward.

Ahimsa is a step taken toward this lifestyle. It means non-violence, and by violence this can be toward the self or others. It might refer to a physically violent act but violence can take many forms. Saying hurtful things to another, taking advantage of someone or even abusing your own body are also forms of violence. Even mean thoughts can haunt you as your subconscious knows no difference between thoughts and real actions.

This all may all sound rather stiff and rigid but it really isn't. Being non-violent also means not beating yourself up if you didn't act as you wish you had. Take note; know that you did your best at that moment and then move on to the next having gained experience and knowledge that will allow a more skillful behavior to emerge when next the 'situation' arises.

Namaste

Sat Sangha

My fellow yoga students and my teachers huddled together and Richard snapped this shot of all of us all on our last weekend of instructor training together. This was to be part of a gift (see John and Kate below) we put together for our teachers, Kate Tremblay and John LeMunyon of Heartwood Yoga.

I had nine copies made of the chosen shot. One went into a scrapbook for John and Kate, and the remaining eight were passed out among the rest of us. I picked them up from Wolf Camera and then slid each photo into a folded sheet of paper labeled Sat Sangha.

Sat Sangha is a sanskrit term that means "honest community". It is a lovely thing to be a part of a group I can refer to with this term. That has been one of the best parts of this training. These people have grown to feel like family to me. These are people I have grown to trust and respect.

What a bittersweet day. The year of study had been wonderful, time consuming, tiring and exhilarating all at once. Now it was coming to an end.

In the time since our course completion we have maintained contact. Most of us are working on building a teaching practice around Birmingham and beyond, but what is amazing about these folks is the true feeling of community among us. We studied together, coached each other, praised each other, gave helpful and respectful feedback and we had fun together.

We all want to do similar things and yet there is no hint of rivalry or jealously among these lovely people. Snatching and groping for business, hoping to force shut down the competition, demeaning another yoga instructor; it's just not part of this group.

Kate and John offer the opportunity to teach at Heartwood while supporting and applauding our efforts to seek other avenues. We all are encouraging each other, sending ideas and referring students when it seems appropriate to do so. It is about right action, not good or bad action -- simply right action. With that, life really is very pleasant. It is a very nice contrast to some of the experiences I've had in my professional history.

In the long run this kind of mindset only serves an entire community. It's a mark of faith and confidence, of wanting the best for all and knowing it is possible. It's about honoring every individual while respecting and honoring the self because it is about knowing we are connected.

Birthday

Last Sunday Richard, Caroline and I met my parents and my oldest sister, Teresa's and her daughter Rachel, to celebrate Teresa's 60th birthday together. (Teresa is a potter, mosaic tile worker and artist in general. There she is above. She won't mind me telling her age. She's like that.)

You might imagine some gloomy party in a retirement home or a low key afternoon in rocking chairs on the front porch with tea cakes and punch and coffee. Not these folks!

My father will turn 90 this winter. There he is in the picture at left. The cute girl in the photo is my neice, Rachel.

The family met at Dismals Canyon, a park in Northwest Alabama. It is an awesome place. Because of the jurassic look of the local fauna, the area was used as backdrop footage for the documentary, "When Dinosaurs Walked the Earth." The most extraordinary thing about the place are the bizarre little glow worms, the dismalites that give the caves their name, gracing the cave walls. These creatures are found only in China, New Zealand and this one series of caves in Alabama. How cool is that?

This is just the kind of thing that my folks enjoy. Nature excursions were common in my youth and I relished the experiences that my wonderful, down to earth parents exposed me to. Teresa especially enjoys the out doors. It was such a nice way to spend the day with family, out in nature. Mom and Dad skipped their usual Sunday morning trip to church, but if you ask me, the time spent in nature's ethereal magnificance was an excellent way to celebrate spirituality. There is my mom at left climbing down form a rock formation. She rocks!... (no pun intended)

We met about 11 am and started with a hike. This is a well worn path but much of the terrain requires climbing and squeezing through tight spots. Cool air seeps from the caves through cracks in the rock walls making it seem almost as if the outside is air conditioned.

Mom and Dad both seemed so excited and happy. Mother slowed the group down a bit, but not because she couldn't keep up. She likes to stop and check things out and go off on trails. Thankfully she did not dig up anything as she is want to do, often in areas that carry stiff penalties for taking wildlife from the park.

"Well, it needs thinning," has always been her reasoning when we remind her she is breaking the law. Luckily she has not been apprehended yet and so still remains a free woman and at the ready to 'thin' plants wherever needed.

After about an hour and a half we completed the hike and then proceeded to pull out the good food brought from home and had a lovely pot luck kind of picnic. Fresh fruits and vegetables, items ready for sandwhich making and yummy honey sweetened oat cake for Teresa and homemade ice cream for those in the group that can do dairy. Sadly I am not one of them.

After that was complete everyone headed for the creek except Daddy. He heroicly claimed he was going to watch over our belongings but I suspect he was planning some quiet time and a quick nap.

Now, I don't know if you have ever been swimming in a spring fed creek, but I am here to tell you that even in late July the water is quite chilly! My daughter Caroline was the first in. There she is at left. I reluctantly followed.

Teresa and Rachel stepped a toe in and were undecided and leaning toward a no. Then my mother, being as 'Marie' as ever, stands ups and anounces, "well, I learned to swim in a creek and this may be the last chance I have to do it again. I'm getting in!"

(There I am at left shivering and swimming. Not seen is Richard - he's behind the camera! ) Mother eased her way into the frigid water. Once swimming and moving around the overwhelming cold dissipates and the swim becomes quite refreshing... but it takes some guts to make that first plunge.

Teresa and Rachel, I guess feeling a bit called out by this senior woman braving the cold, relented and joined us in the water. All the women in the group took the plunge and we had a blast!

It was fun, the kind of fun that stays with you and bonds family and friend. At right see the gathering of Campbell women warming themselves back up on the rock bed before swimming again.

How lucky I feel to have my folks still with me, so strong and inspiring, so of the earth. Thanks for showing me what is important and how to really enjoy life. And I am determined, Marie Hamner Campbell, that you will yet swim in another creek!

Moonflower

Mindy, a fellow heartwood student, gave me some seeds way back in spring while I was still in yoga training. She described the beautiful night blooming flowers that had produced them and offered seeds to any of us that wanted. I took ten or so seeds and planted them in early summer. It seemed nothing would come of them.

I waited and waited and had all but given up and planned to use the large pot on the front porch for something else. Finally after weeks a little sprout poked its head through the soil. It grew and sent a small, semingly insignificant vine up the the side of the pot, but nothing terribly exciting.

And then two nights ago, right after the slug incident, we noticed this amazing bloom. It lasted just the night. How lucky we noticed. I think we might have missed it if Richard hadn't decided to get real close and personal with his slimey new friend.

I think one will open tonight. I'll be checking. Thanks Mindy!

July 4, 2009

Hell must be covered in ice!

I did what I once swore would never happen. I accepting a playing engagement for playing music in front of actual human beings!

Paul Walters, my music partner, and I have been practicing together for a couple of years. We figured out our singing and playing worked well together over the several months we both attended Bill Ledbetter's weekly living room jams just for fun. Both of us being non-smokers, we would fiddle around with guitar and vocal work waiting on the others to return from frequent smoke breaks. We discovered we harmonized well, liked the same kind of music and both love to be involved with music events whether playing, arranging or attending. Paul has worked City Stages every year since it's inception and is the president of the Magic City Blues Society. I've been involved in music since a child, from piano lessons to the high school marching band. I've explored various guitar styles and have always found playing music something I never seem to tire of.

It all started when Paul called one night, after attending a Gillian Welch show at Zydeco and said he had an idea that we should form a duet. I'd played for the dogs and cats all my life, but getting a taste of playing with others had begun to appeal to me and I was relieved to have another outlet since Bill had canceled the weekly open living room jams.

We had fun as I basically cut my teeth on my resonator with Paul. We were starting to get compfortable with some work. But then the duet had to take a back seat while I worked on my yoga teaching certification at heartwood. I assured him I would be back on, full tilt, once the course was complete. (at right, working with Gilda, my Johnson tricone)

I graduated the last weekend of May of this year and as promised, I started working more with daily practice and making our practice time together a priority. And then the call came. I knew it would come some day and I wondered how I would react.

Paul says, "We have an opportunity," and he told me of the South Side 4th of July Block Party, an event he had actually started in his old neighborhood near Lorino's grocery store some twenty years or so before. The location provides a great place for gathering and watching fireworks. I've attended a couple of them before. I never imagined I'd be playing one day.

I could hear something in his voice. He thinks I'm going to say no, and my first instinct is to say, "I'm not ready," but I didn't. To my own horror, I hear myself say, "Okay." Did I just say that. The event would be in some 5 days and I have just agreed.

We practice twice during the week and I practice morning and night, but my fear grows with each passing day. I can feel waves of nausia when I stop and think about what is coming. It feels like some dreaded surgery and prison conviction awaits me.

I've explored where this comes from. I think I have a couple of ideas, but it is quite profound. For instance, if I had 4 friends at my house and we were sitting around talking, I'd be happy as a clam. If I had to stand up and speak on something to them, and they were all sitting in chairs and watching, I'd stammer and stumble. Maybe lots of folks are this way, but to me it seems I'm the only one. I whine and complain and wring my hands and bore all my friends about this dreaded thing I must do.

And then Wendy, Paul's wife, calls me out. "Aren't you supposed to know how to calm down and get chilled out with all that yoga you've been studying?"

"Well, but, and well... yeah," I admit rather sheepishly.

(At left, before the performance with Wendy. I may look relaxed but it's a bit of an act. I am just about to play and I'm working really hard to keep myself even.)

Saturday I woke early to prepare, but not with study or practice. I would spend about two hours with a yoga practice. I did some vigorous yoga to expel my nervous energy. I performed several vinyasa's, a kind of yoga flow series, that revolved around warrior I and warrior II, good poses for summoning courage, and then I did a long Yoga Nidra meditation, a form of self hypnosis designed to reverse negative beliefs and implant more positive ones into the subconscious. My goal is to try and reprogram whatever is inside me that paralyzes me when asked to perform. It worked, too. I was strangely calm after my practice.

It was a small crowd and I must admit I was kind of relieved. And then a couple of my friends showed up to offer support. Thanks Shawn! And thanks, Lauren, you wonderful yogini! This on advice of my boss, Jon Adamson, who played in the local band, 4AM ten or so years ago. Such a nice guy - he tells me to be sure and have my 'fans' there for backup. He was right. I can hear Richard and Wendy and Lauren all cheering me on and it is so welcome and comforting to my ears.
(left - Paul Walters, and yours truly)

Afterward, I relax and have the time of my life. The night is perfect. The fireworks were lovely and the company was grand.

I did it.

What next?

(at right dancing with Lauren - I am definitely a lot more relaxed now!)

Living Deluxe

I'm doing the thing that I love to do and have all my life been well-known for. My husband even wrote a line into our wedding vows about it. It was something like, 'I promise to love, honor and rearrange.' He's lucky. I actually do this much less frequently than I did in my younger years when rearranging the house only took one day to complete with little recover time needed.

We've been working on the trimming down, going toward streamlined, organic and recycled. I'm really feeling upbeat and optimistic. I'm down right cheerful as I lug the little bamboo drawers out of the den. This Pier I treasure is retiring from office work and headed for kitchen duty. As I work things become organized, clean and sparkly.

Nobody has ever quite understood my need for this activity, the wondrous feeling as you nearly complete the job. The exhilaration when looking at my clean home with artistic flair. It's a joy to walk through. Cozy nooks are here and there and conversational seating with lovely still life arrangements abound.

But then there is always that one room. I promise to return and put all the rest of the stuff away and I mean it. I really mean it. My intentions are to put each and every item in its place creating nothing but the purest of organization. The sacrificial room where you put all the crap you really don't need but can't seem to throw, or even give away is not a luxury we enjoy in this small Homewood bungalow. You know the one, where you close the door so it won't bother you and declare your home well kept and only go back in when it's time to move. Being the daughter of a depression era mother I'm just programmed that way and so there is all that stuff. I never get back to that last bit of stuff and eventually it all infects its way back into my home filling up the breathing spaces and gathering dust.

And then on my cheerful way to the kitchen my belief in this project is momentarily shaken. A distant memory has popped up; a long since passed rearranging adventure. I'm at Pier I wandering the aisles looking for something that will do the trick. The perfect piece of furniture for And this will be the piece of furniture that makes everything neat and clean, organized and efficient. And once in place I know that my home will forever and ever be neat and clean, and without cat or dog hair, rabbit pellets or dirty dishes. I will have hours upon hours to do just as I pleased and all those things I've been meaning to do will finally get done.

But I am only deterred for a moment. I am even more certain that this is the one that is going to take, the plan that really will make things around the house just 'work' better, like at Martha's where there's never any mess. And there is a chance. I'm not consuming like I used to. I've let go of some things that I didn't really need anymore. I've begun to realize how nice it is to be free of excess. In looking for the life of my dreams it's never been about what I didn't have. It's always been about what I have that I don't need and as I work it seems the home is truly becoming transforming.

My dear Richard dutifully helped all weekend and we worked hard! But as we laid our exhausted bodies into the bed I saw him look around the room and I watched as his face grew bright. And I could see; he got it!

"It looks so nice. It's like a fancy hotel room!" He smiles really big and then he says, "It's just.. it's deluxe!"

Yup, I married the perfect man!

Truth is a river that is always splitting up into arms that reunite. Islanded between the arms, the inhabitants argue for a lifetime as to which is the main river. - Cyril Connolly

There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness.

Pearl S. Buck

I have obviously taken a break from writing here. Now it is time to get back.

I'm enthusiastic and excited about life. My plans are to begin my year long study of yoga teacher training and gain my certification in May of '09. I feel inspired and renewed and it feels like my life is now going in the proper direction. I've put down my fists - given up the struggle, and like water flowing down a river everything now moves so easily and with sureness and purpose.

A story from the universe: Stop Your Fighting.
Today my daughter received a valuable lesson. She prides herself on being frank and honest but can sometimes take it to the point of being overly harsh. I don't think this is helping her. Today she was lost in an unfamiliar city and made an incorrect turn. A cop pulled her over and she immediately smarted off to him, saying he should have seen she was having difficulty. She blamed him! As you can imagine he was not amused! He immediately wrote her a ticket. Had he been treated with respect he might likely have just helped her out and let her go on her merry way. Instant Karma! I hope she can learn from this. If so, the expensive ticket will be well worth it.