LOVE

So, here we are in February, a month devoted to love. Wouldn't it be nice if scheduling a holiday for love was about as silly as scheduling a holiday for breathing. Wouldn't it be cool if loving was something we all just did constantly and when someone suddenly found themselves not loving, sirens would blare and emergency professionals would race in to resuscitate a person's ability to love.

Yes, I know this seems a bit sappy, happy. I know I might at times seem a bit too full of sweetness, sugar and light. But to you individuals who find this thinking distasteful and unrealistic and a bit too Pollyanna, take your grumpy-ass funk somewhere else. Yup, I have my moments. I just make sure I don't write on the days that I'm grumpy and sullen. But the good thing about those days is that, after wallowing in them for a spell, interesting information will reveal itself if allowed. It is usually at those times I am inspired to write.

Today started rough. But I have learned today how to let some things pass. And that makes me feel better.

Time for a glass of wine and a good night of music. And happy evening!

BLEW PAST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT A PEEP

I've been so busy! It has an amazing 90 days or so.

Christmas preparations were interrupted by a business trip to Boston. Good stuff as I had great food, learned lots and visited my adorable niece. But it made getting ready for Christmas quite a task.

And as if that weren’t enough, I had previously committed to being the accompaniment to my sister’s vocal Christmas carol presentation at her holiday open house. This was my first public gig and it was good for me. I’ve been hoping to wrestle my stage freight to the ground once and for all and this was a great place to start sparing. I mean, let’s face it; the crowd was made up of our family members and her close friends and fellow church members. It wasn’t like I was going to be heckled off the floor no matter how bad I sucked. Nothing out there but oozing love and well wishes. Regardless, I was terrified. I am happy to report, however, that I survived the ordeal and actually quite enjoyed it. Thank God one of her wayward friends showed up with a bottle of chardonnay that I quickly opened, it seeming almost like permission to have a drink at the all out Baptist gathering. I’m told I did quite well and that the many mistakes I know I made went unrealized. Of course, it was a family member that told me this. That’s okay. It was a start!

That passed, it was all out Christmas readiness time. I adore the holiday season and all that goes with it. I enjoy decking the halls and Christmas carols, gatherings with good friends and even a bit of cold weather. I love giving gifts and getting them as well. And Santa was good to me this year, that’s for sure.

I got a ring from Richard. It is a beautiful piece of jewelry with a clear stone, I am told (I’m clueless about these things). The design is simple with elegant lines and it came to me as a perfect fit, both physically and aesthetically. I think it fits our relationship as well. It is shiny and clear and free of overly showy ornamentation with a thin band that doesn’t bind or crimp, but hugs my finger comfortably. The man actually went to both knees to ask for my hand. In the early hours of Christmas Eve 2006 we made a pact, a promise. This is it. Buds for life. Woa!

New Years felt especially happy this year. The upcoming year looks to be a bright one with lots of excitement and changes to come and I am looking so forward to it. 2007 is going to rock!

GIVING THANKS

Most everyone enjoys giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day. And what’s not to be thankful for? The table is overloaded with delicious food and all the people that are most important are all around. Even the leaves on the trees are consorting to fashion the most perfect and wondrous day with their brilliant colors.

What is a challenge is being thankful on less than perfect days. It is hard to be aware of what lovely things may be at work for you or what tragedy might be avoided only because things, at the moment, seem bleak.

Did that flat tire keep me from a head on collision? Did having to stay late at work divert some other deal breaking confrontation with a loved one? These gifts we can never know of, but some gifts, in hindsight, we can see clearly.

One Tuesday night I happened into a restaurant near my home. Work was becoming unsatisfying and stressful. At home a huge mess and angry daughters awaited me. I was out Christmas shopping without enough money. It seemed there was no positive direction to turn in my life, anywhere. So I did something I NEVER, EVER do. I stopped for a drink BEFORE going home.

Now don’t get me wrong, everyone who knows me is aware that I enjoy my glass or two (or three) of wine every evening. But that comes after dinner. Maybe, just maybe, I'll have a glass while I’m cooking, but that’s only if it’s been a really rough day. But this night was different. I couldn’t even begin to imagine going home where stress had hit an all time high. My younger daughter was angry with me. My older daughter had moved back home with her three dogs, bringing the total to five canines in a very small house. She was pushing me to the edge and on top of that, they were fighting with each other. The garbage was ransacked daily by the dog pack and it normally required about 45 minutes of cleaning to even think about beginning dinner. What had been my sanctuary had become my living hell. I did not want to go home.

So instead I went to the BBQ restaurant I’d eaten in at minimum of once a month for at least three years. However this time I sat at the bar.

Who would have ever suspected that the stress of my household, which at the time I saw as some undeserved punishment, was actually the catalyst to great happiness. Who could have known that the attention of the handsome bartender would be the start of so much more than an enjoyable hour at a neighborhood hangout? Was I pushed into his arms? Is that what it took for us to find each other? Would it have happened some other way if not this?

Thanksgiving, not just the warm-up holiday for Christmas anymore. So here goes. Thanks for fighting, girls! Hey dogs! Thanks for destroying my kitchen every day for months on end. Chip, thanks for making my job so miserable! And thanks, universe. I'll listen a little closer next time. And thanks, Richard! It was about time you showed up! I’d been waiting.

HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES

Richard and I went to Church on Sunday. We loaded up the automobile with a full picnic basket, a guitar and a camera and headed northeast for Buck’s Pocket.

In this unbelievably beautiful setting, many emotions were experienced. Among them was the sensation of awe as we completed our ascension to one of the many bluffs and rested, overlooking miles and miles of brilliant color. There was the joy and satisfaction of fine dinning on a leftover roast dinner with a good merlot and a guitar case for a table. There was the incredible closeness we felt, experiencing this beauty and tranquility together. There was even comic relief when I spilled water all over Richard’s foot and he took off his sock, hanging it over a branch in the futile hope it would dry by the end of our picnic.

We were quieter driving home. But the silence was full. It was a reverence and thankfulness. I can imagine no Carnival Cruise more enjoyable, no tastier meal served with greater care. I can imagine no day finer than this. The vibrant colors of the leaves, the sounds of the forest and the view of the cerulean blue sky were all for free All that glory, just sitting there, wanting to be viewed, we only needed to go and enjoy it.

Hallelujah!

GERTIE CARDEN circa 1982 - OCTOBER 25, 2006
Gertie died yesterday. I received the news a day late as I was out yesterday and the announcement was on my office voicemail. Gertie was my daughter's elderly dog. I guess that made her my grand-doggie.

Judging from her attitude, Gertie was once quite the looker. Melissa provided an assortment of outfits for her. Her favorite was a sassy blue jean skirt paired with a pink 'foxy lady' tank. She would sashay about with all the in your face kind of confidence you'd expect from Madonna or Prince. Happily for Gertie, her cloudy eyes failed years ago and she was unaware of the off-putting condition that caused her skin to hang in great folds and wrinkles from her mid-section and down. She didn't seem bothered by the odd configuration of the remaining 3 teeth that jutted out strangely from a severe under bite. She went to her grave believing that she was as breath taking as ever. I’m glad for this.

Gertie had many endearing qualities. For one, she was a brave lady. Even though she weighed less than 20 pounds, I am here to testify that nobody but nobody was going to put one over on the Gert. Big dogs or little, her space was her space and she did not mind letting this be known.

Another quality was her positive attitude. She lived in my household for quite a while and was always upbeat and happy. She never seemed to mind or be daunted by the frequent change of layout in my home even though that meant she had to endure many bumps while learning her way.

I loved her sweet little habit of helping you lift her. Just as you began to hoist her up she would do a little jump with her hind legs as if she were rising of her own volition.

When Missy first met her, she had long since been dumped at the vet where Melissa worked. I suppose her previous owners no longer found her charming, believing that a pet is something one can just use up and throw away. The vet didn’t want to put her down, but who would ever adopt this old, unattractive, blind and toothless dog...

Melissa would. Because of Melissa, this little dog got several pampered years at the end of her life. And she deserved them.

Thanks, Melissa. I’m so glad there are people like you out there.

Thanks, Gertie. You knew how to live. Thanks for showing me.

I’m sorry I rearranged the furniture so much. I’m sorry I didn’t know to hug you goodbye last time you came to visit. I miss you already.

STAYING UP WHILE DEALING WITH PAIN

This morning I was in line in the cafeteria and a guy in front of me dropped some change. He is kind of a strange guy.. terrible complexion, overweight and always alone. I don’t know him or even know his name. He walks with an odd limp and I suspect he has an artificial leg. He was trying to pick up his change and he was having a hard time and couldn’t see where it all was. I just jumped down and said, ‘Oh, I see it’, and got it for him. I dropped a dime in his hand and gave him a smile and a warm 'You're welcome', to his thank you.

This is a man who probably doesn’t receive an abundance of acts of kindness. He seemed so grateful at my retrieving the dime. It made me not hurt for a minute and I realized - there's your prozac.

Make an effort. It's not altruistic, it's selfish. It just feels good.